"How am I doing?" A Checklist for Wellbeing
A list of things to consider when feeling angry or depressed.
Note; Not a story. Turn back now if you only want to read my fantasy fiction!
This essay is a work in progress that I will be returning to regularly over time.
Check the sub-stack post for updates. Note that footnotes work far better on a web-browser than it does on mobile or by email.
Last Update; Wednesday, March 6th, 2024.
How am I doing?
In the moment before a tale unfolds
Weaving truth and lies, both new and old
Was there a boundary that someone crossed?
Or to a rival’s malice, that I lost
Before rage and sadness bleeds out my soul
I’ll check my heart, where fear feeds, with the goal
To test if my judgment here is on point
Use due diligence to avoid disjoint
Surgeons, astronauts, and others alike
Must avoid mistake, they get no free strike
To ensure well being and other zones
I use this checklist to recall my knowns
A Wellbeing Checklist
How was my Sleep?
Did I stay up too late, or was my sleeping disrupted?
Did I stare at a screen within 90 minutes of attempting sleep?1
Is there too much blue light in my environment?
Is my sleeping environment cool enough, or is it too hot?
What did I do to create a parasympathetic nervous system state before bed?2
Did I breathe through my nose as I slept, or through my mouth?3
Did I see the Sun Rise or the Sun Set? Or the Sun at all?4
How is my Mouth?
Did I brush once, twice or three times today?5
Did I floss or use mouth wash?6
Do I have cavities?7
When was the last time I visited the dentist?8
Are my gums inflamed?9
How is my Breathing?
Am I breathing through my nose?10
When was the last time I washed out my nose?11
Is my mouth dry?12
Have I practiced my breathing? 13
How is my Body?
Have I moved it today?14
Is my body inflamed? Am I injured, ill or allergic to something?15
Is my body injured, and am I taking appropriate steps to recovery?16
Is there something my body wants?17
How is my nervous system doing?18
How is my brain health?19
Have I bathed recently?20
How is my gut health?21
Am I hungry?22
Am I thirsty?23
What am I Consuming?
Am I eating for for pleasure, or for life?24
Am I taking the time to chew my food?25
What is the quality of the water that I’m drinking? 26
How much sugar am I eating?27
Am I consuming too much of something?28
How much time am I spending on TV, social media or my phone?29
What am I listening to, and what am I reading?
How is my Environment?
How is the air I breathe?30
When was the last time I walked in the trees?31
When was the last time I sat by or swam in the water?32
Are my work and living spaces clean and optimized for the purposes I want to use them for?33
Are things falling apart around me that require attention and repair?
Is my car in good condition, and is it clean?
Are my clothes clean and do I feel good in them?
How am I disturbing my environment?34
How are my Relationships?
How do I feel about myself?35
Have I been keeping my promises to myself or others?36
What kind of self-talk have I been having?37
Am I treating myself with grace and forgiveness?
When was the last time I saw or spoke with a friend?
How is my relationship with my chosen family?38
Do I have supportive relationships to seek council from?
When was the last time I had a hug that lasted longer than 7 seconds?39
Do I feel like I “belong” to a supportive community?40
Is there someone in my life I need to repair a relationship with and is it in my power to do so?41
When was the last time I told someone “I love you?”42
How is my Spirit?
Have I honoured my dreams, and given them the attention they deserved?43
When was the last time I spoke to my Creator?
When was the last time I spoke to my Ancestors?
When was the last time I meditated, prayed, practiced Qi Gong or Tai Chi, or any of the other energy work practices?
When was the last time I picked up the sword or guitar (found your flow)?44
When was the last time I sang or danced?
When was the last time I laughed?
When was the last time I felt Awe or Wonder?45
And what am I grateful for?
Commentary on “Why this post?”
I admit this falls outside my usual writings, but for those of you who know me well, this probably isn’t that big of a surprise to you.
I felt prompted to write this because I found myself listening to Andrew Huberman’s recent podcast on oral health, and had this moment of “I knew this already…”
I realized that I’d fallen out of a practice that I’d previously been maintaining, and regarded as quite important. It made me realize that I didn’t really have a good way of reminding myself of the health practices I’ve learned in my life, and that over time certain practices just “slip” away, and then become problems I have to re-visit. This frustrated me.
The pursuit of health and well-being has been a lifelong one - a result of suffering from truly crippling depression in my twenties, modestly crippling depression in my thirties, and a nagging “what’s wrong with me” internal dialogue that has never fully gone away.
Add a dose of adult ADHD to this and it makes for a pretty spicy internal landscape.
I’ve experienced this reality as an ocean of negativity, with myself a watcher on the shore. And like the tides, it comes and goes. Only my feet are anchored into the sand. The water rising in a relentless tide until it feels like I’m drowning.
But I’ve never enjoyed drowning, so I’ve fought against it in the only way that I’ve really understood how to fight against anything.
By Reading.
So I’ve read and listened to a lot of things. The intersections of neuro- and bio- psychology, spiritual teachings, environmental design, ethical and natural philosophy, self help books, nutrition, fitness, social and evolutionary psychology, youtube experts, podcasts, audiobooks, radio shows, etc…
The problem with there being such a giant swath of interesting information on the internet, in bookstores, and in the world… is that not all of it is true, and it can be very difficult to sort through.
I can’t guarantee everything I quote here is true.
I’ve tested the things that I suggest, and have found them to be “plausibly true” at minimum. Some things only help a little, whereas other things are much more helpful. But everything on here I feel has at least some value. Well. Perceived value. I admit I’m not always right.
I’ve done my best to validate it with references and credible sources, but as I warn anyone who seeks my advice, “Use at your own risk, and test it for yourself.”
As I said, my memory isn’t great, and I often forget to do the things I’ve learned to do in the past. This isn’t a good long term strategy for wellbeing, and is a common problem for ADHD-addled adults. So I’ve learned that I often need to externalize my memory.
But I do have this very strong memory of a man, in very poor health, looking at me during a conversation about his health and saying “Boy, I’ve forgotten more about managing my health than you’ve ever learned in your life,” and it really stuck with me.
What’s the point in learning, if you don’t consistently act on it?
This doesn’t link to *all* the research I’ve done. Just all the research that I thought was immediately relevant, and I could find in my notes. I’ll be adding to and editing this post over time as new information comes to me, or if someone challenges something and I need to make corrections. I welcome challenges, even. I like accurate information and I don’t always know where to find it.
But the point of the checklist should remain mostly the same.
As a reminder of things that I need to check in about daily. A “Dashboard of my internal landscape” to ensure things are operating as they should. To help me push back against the tide.
You’re welcome to use it, or not. The choice is yours.
Cheers,
Robin George
P.S. - I intend to treat this as a living document - with this being the first version. I will be updating it as I collect new information and practices. I’ll probably only send it out as an email once though, unless it undergoes a major revision.
If there is an item that you’d like to see me expand upon, please mention in the comments. I’ll get to it when I can.
And if you think there is a cool scientific article, book or reference that should be included on an item, post a link to it so I can check it out. I’m always reading and listening.
Footnotes and References;
Was it Instagram? Facebook? Twitter? These things are notoriously bad for sleep hygiene.
Getting into a Parasympathetic State before Bed;
Sympathetic nervous system state - fight or flight (or fuck).
Parasympathetic nervous system state - rest and digest (and repair).
Inducing a Parasympathetic Nervous State - Breathing exercises, Yoga Nidra, Meditation, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Prayer, “Eating Protein and not Carbohydrates”, drinking water, avoiding strenuous exercise, avoiding blue light, avoiding social media, avoiding conflict, comforting physical touch, etc… etc…
Have you ever lay in bed, your heart pounding, unable to sleep?
The more often this has happened to me, the more I’ve come to realize it’s because my body was still stuck in some version of fight or flight (sympathetic state) and this isn’t conducive to resting or sleeping at all.
Engaging in practices to consciously shift the body into a parasympathetic state before trying to sleep has been a vastly more effective strategy to avoid the “lying awake at night and can’t sleep” dilemma.
There is a belief about “consuming carbs before bed” as a way of inducing a sleeping state. My opinion is against this, however, because of my experiences with creating sympathetic states post sugar consumption. Even if it does (and for me it typically does not - it does the opposite), a blood sugar crash should occur some time during the night that will wake you up again. So if this is a practice you engage in, I’d ask you, “But do you stay asleep for 8 hours or do you wake up around 3am pretty consistently?”
Breathing; is a pretty huge conversation. There appears to be enough credible evidence I’ve come across to suggest that one should always prioritize nasal breathing, both while awake and asleep.
My personal experience has definitely lead me to notice a correlation between my general anxiety levels and defaulting to breathing through my mouth.
Check out James Nestor’s book “Breath” as a strong starting place.
Also, “Tool: Sleep Apnea & Nasal Breathing” - Huberman, Sleep Toolkit: Huberman Lab Podcast #84. For a quick version to explore.
Sun Exposure; is linked to a lot of things, but most crucially the management of your Circadian Rhythm. Also Vitamin D production, and hormone regulation.
See “How Light Impacts Your Sleep and Mood: Easy Daily Tactics from Dr. Andrew Huberman.”
See “Morning Sunlight: Circadian Rhythm, Artificial Lights, Cloudy Days” - Huberman, Sleep Toolkit: Huberman Lab Podcast #84.
Brushing; A soft bristle with baking soda, small circular motions (as a minimum practice). Some commercial tooth pastes are useful. I mostly don’t bother with those.
The podcast mentioned below also suggests that if you’re only going to brush once a day, it should be before bed. Best practice is three times a day, or after every meal is the smartest strategic practice for maintaining a “Remineralization” state in your mouth.
Flossing; was actually suggested by my dentist as more important than brushing.
Mouthwash; water + salt is best, alcohol destroys the mouth’s microbiome. Most commercial brands of mouthwash are harmful to the mouth’s microbiome.
See episode of Andrew Huberman’s podcast on this topic.
Cavities; are made by Streps Mutans bacteria, which feeds on sugar and carbohydrates. Leaving sugars in the mouth over time breeds more Streps Mutans. How much time did something acidic or sugary sit in my mouth between meals, uncleaned or unwashed away?
Xylitol - tricks the Streps Mutans, in the same way that junk food tricks us. They love it, and it’s bad for them, preventing them from producing the acid that causes cavities.
Dentist Visits;
Once per six months for a cleaning is recommended
Once plaque has hardened, you need bigger guns to remove it.
Nasal Breathing; The nose has a built in air filtration system, the mouth does not.
See James Nestor, “Breath.”
Breathing through your nose at night is credited with eliminating snoring and sleep apnea. Bold claims. Seems to be true from my lived experience. Particularly after I tried out using “mouth tape” and definitely observed waking up with a sore throat… well never. And I didn’t choke in my sleep. Definitely a plus there. I also don’t wake up in the middle of the night anymore, which would suggest I’m choking on my tongue less.
Neti Pot; If you can see the value in changing a cabin filter in your car or furnace filter in your home, then it shouldn’t be hard to explain why cleaning out your built in air-filtration system with a Neti Pot makes sense.
Takes a bit of getting used to, but I’ve found it’s made a world of difference in being able to maintain a nasal breathing only lifestyle.
The use of un-boiled tap water is a confirmed risk to your health. Amoebas! So boil your water first. I usually add a half-teaspoon of salt to about a cup of boiling water, and then let it cool to slightly warm. If you’re very concerned about water purity, use distilled or reverse osmosis water. Doesn’t hurt to boil it regardless.
There are strong opinions about the right water and salt to use here. I lack strong opinions on this subject.
See, “https://www.fda.gov/neti-pot-safety” or “https://www.healthline.com/neti-pot#step-by-step-guide” or “https://www.netipot.com/neti-pot-safety-guide/” for step by step instructions.
Dry Mouth; A common side effect of breathing through the mouth.
Smoking & Vaping both dry out the mouth, as do stimulants like Methamphetamines, Vyvanse and Adderall.
The loss of saliva via a dry mouth leads to an imbalance of the proper microbiome necessary to ‘remineralize’ your teeth and heal cavities.
See, “How to improve oral health its critical role in brain body health” Podcast by Andrew Huberman.
Breathing is a skill.
Yoga has an entire practice just dedicated to the art of breathing, “Pranayama.”
Breath control in martial arts is a key skillset to being able to maximize power output while striking an opponent (or being struck by.)
Long inhales and exhales help move the body to a parasympathetic state (5 seconds in, 5 seconds out - cyclical breathing)
Longer exhales than inhales also produce this effect.
Short sharp inhales and forceful exhales can help produce a sympathetic state (Building your fire for when action is required)
See “Breath” by James Nestor
See “Breathing Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety” by Andrew Huberman
Heck, if you dig into it, there is an entire practice of breathing that is rooted around getting high off it. Real thing. Tried it. Got high. And claw hands! See, “Holotropic Breathing.”
On the Podcast “ManTalks with Connor Beaton” - he interviews Dr. Glenn Livingstone who speaks about the link between parasympathetic breathing practices and the elimination of food cravings at night.
Human bodies were evolutionarily designed to move. Many functions related to mental health are dependent on physical motion to operate effectively.
A foundational book on this subject I really enjoyed was by Dr. John Ratey, “Spark”
A person who has regular activity will generally have a good “hunger” response that accurately responds to the amount of food one needs to eat to maintain their body weight. A sedentary person will have a compromised hunger indicator.
See, “Constrained Total Energy Expenditure and Metabolic Adaptation to Physical Activity in Adult Humans” or “Strong By Science Podcast, Feb 7th, 2024 Timestamp 1:29:35.”
Inflammation of the body;
Injuries, Illnesses and Allergies lead to an increased volume of chronic inflammation in the body. Inflammation as a cause of depression is an existing theory with some significant support, and the best place to learn about it that I’m aware of is Edward Bullmore’s book “The Inflamed Mind.”
His suggested treatments for inflammation include;
Drink more water
Sweat more often - exercise or steam room
Consume EPA, Turmeric+Black Pepper, Leafy Greens (for the phytonutrients), Cinnamon, Spirulina, Chlorella, Ginger - for Beta-Cytokines in the body.
Consume DHA, Walnuts and Olive Oil - for Beta-Amyloid plaques in the brain.
NSAIDs - Like Ibuprofen - for acute or chronic inflammation
I would recommend against chronic use of NSAIDs because of it’s deleterious impact on gut health, and that it *seems* (unconfirmed by science as far as I know) to have a negative impact on muscle growth. Also the potential for ulcers. Don’t combine with an empty stomach and coffee. This is apparently a big no-no.
But I *really* did notice that taking 800-1200mg of ibuprofen for a couple days had a noticeable uptick in my mood when I was really in the emotional dumpster fire.
Anti-Histamines - for allergic response induced inflammation.
Mostly seems pretty safe, and can often double as a sleep aid. However I suspect that like NSAIDs, it’s probably bad for your gut health over time, and I suspect may compromise your immune system response if over-used. Better to use when there’s a problem that arises, and for a limited time.
Ice Packs on inflamed areas of the body.
Another methodology I’ve been using lately is the “hot/cold” water switch. A friend showed me this method of filling up one sink with the hottest water you can submerge your arms in for 30 seconds, along side another sink of cold water with ice cubes. Go back and forth between the two, starting with hot, and ending with hot water, with three times in the cold water. You can also adapt a similar process in the shower by switching between hot and cold water settings for 30-60 seconds each back and forth.
“The Role of Inflammation in Depression and Fatigue” if you want to dive into articles.
There may be more up to date information on this, and I’d be happy to hear about it.
It occurred to me that I talk about the inflammatory consequences of injury, but not the physical steps taken.
The basic injury recovery process starts with RICE or Rest, Icing, Compression and Elevation.
You can see the icing protocols above.
For compression, I like the “flossing bands” I acquired from Rogue. You can see this Youtube Video on how to use them - it’s not the one I learned from but it seems to have the process explained well enough.
But any longterm recovery means doing physical recovery work, and doing it well. A couple of programs that have come across my attention that I’ve seen results from;
For chronic back pain, I was recommended to look into foundation training which I found to be a really effective set of practices for strengthening core and lower back muscles and proprioception.
For knee pain, I was recommended to the ATG Online system, aka “Knees over toes guy.” I started with this video - Knees Over Toes Starting Workout but really loved his work as I saw results in less than a couple weeks that I actually subscribed to his online coaching program which I’ve been using since March of 2023. My knee pain is gone, and I’ve got a lower body strength and mobility that is better than ever (compared to when I was 29 which was my previous “peak fitness” moment of life.)
A friend recommended “David Grey Rehab” after getting his ankle and lower body workout programs. Never used these systems myself, but after listening to his podcast a while I think he’s got quality programming and would consider using it myself if I wasn’t already pretty deep down the ATG pathway. I am considering getting his upper body program later this year.
Does my body want something?
Water? Food? Touch? Rest? Sex?
When was the last time I received a massage?
Stretching? Strengthening?
Nervous System;
Do I want to fight or flight? Do I know what has put me in this state?
Do I know how to move my nervous system from a sympathetic state to a parasympathetic state?
How does my heart feel? Does it feel unsettled? Does it feel relaxed?
Am I under constant stress? If so, why, and can I do anything about it?
If I can’t, can I practice non-attachment to what I cannot control?
There are lots of discussions on the brain around “mind-based” perspectives. What we think, gratitude mindset, growth mindset, etc…
But in this context, I mean, how is your brain-meat?
There is a theorized link between “Beta-Amyloid Plaques” and neuro-degenerative conditions like Alzheimers.
See, “Is Beta-Amyloid Accumulation a Cause or Consequence of Alzheimer’s Disease? - PMC” and “Amyloid-Beta: A Crucial Factor in Alzheimer's Disease - PMC”
And to clean out the Beta-Amyloid Plaques you need a healthy “Autophagy” process during sleep. So good sleep matters.
But in some of my nutritional meanderings, I came across the notion that certain foods help this process, and the foods that stood out in that process were;
Walnuts - “The Inflamed Mind” and Eat Smarter” and “Walnuts extend your life?”
Olive Oil or MCT/Coconut Oil - “The Inflamed Mind,” and Eat Smarter”
Fish Oils - EPA/DHA - “The Inflamed Mind” and “Eat Smarter”
Green Tea “31 powerful ways to induce autophagy in the brain” and “Eat Smarter”
Ginger Root or Powder, “31 powerful ways to induce autophagy in the brain”
Turmeric Root/Powder (combined with Black Pepper/Piperine) “The Inflamed Mind” and 31 powerful ways to induce autophagy in the brain” and “Benefits of turmeric supplementation for skin health…” and “Therapeutic effects of turmeric or curcumin extract on pain and function for individuals with knee osteoarthritis”
Is my body covered in bacteria? Should I shower?
Gut Health;
Am I eating enough fibre?
Do I have 1-4 servings of low sugar fermented foods per day?
Am I consuming NSAIDs regularly (which can kill beneficial bacteria in your guts)
Did I consume Antibiotics recently (same as above)
Do I need to consume probiotics to make up for a recent microbiome loss?
Am I effectively managing the stress in my life?
See, “Guts” by RadioLab - Episode on mental emotional link to gut health.See, “Probiotic Lacticaseibacillus rhamnosus…” - Article on HA-114 strain impact on neuro-degeneration.
There’s lots more on this, but I couldn’t find all my notes and references on this topic.
Food + Water = Energy. Sometimes “being low on energy” is just that.
We’ve all been hangry right? A lack of glucose to the brain has links with diminished mental wellbeing and a decrease in empathy and pro-social behaviour. I don’t have those links immediately accessible, but I’ll update this post at some point with them.
When was the last time I drank water?
If my lips are dry, that’s a good sign I should drink water.
Heavy heart palpitations can also be a sign of dehydration, as it needs to work harder to maintain blood pressure.
Am I eating whole foods, or pre-prepared foods?
Am I getting enough micronutrients from my food choices?
Do the food choices I make support good digestive health, are anti-inflammatory, promote brain health, etc…
Was my food grown or raised in healthy environments, or is it full of pollutants or suffering?
While I don’t personally think that Organic is the end-all-be-all, it likely is a better indicator of quality than we otherwise have access too. For best results, I always like to go direct to a farmer when I can.
Free Range seems important, as there have been links drawn between “Exercised meat” and meat quality. And generally I think that “prison chicken” should be discouraged as a general concept. Wild game always seems best.
Food science has learned to lie to your tastebuds. Act accordingly.
Am I aware of what foods cause allergic reactions in my body, or are otherwise are difficult *for me* to digest?
Chewing;
Taking longer to eat improves the digestion of your food, as it breaks it down and mixes the food with your saliva, aiding in the digestive process. Taking the time to chew your food also gives your body more time for your satiation hormones to catch up with you, preventing you from overeating.
Both Andrew Huberman and James Nestor also reference how “chewing” strengthens the muscles of the jaw, leading to the lower jaw being more prominent than recessed. This helps open up the nasal breathing passages, making it easier to breath through your nose more regularly.
One of the suggested positive benefits of chewing denser foods is the potential to eliminate sleep apnea ( because of aforementioned opening of nasal passages, leading to more nasal breathing during sleep.)
Fascinating stuff. I’m not sure I’ve noticed my slightly recessed jaw move forward in the last 2 years that I’ve been paying attention to this - but have I *really* been paying attention to this? I’m not sure. I often eat like I’m late for something.
Water Purity;
Is it clean? Does it have microplastics? Hormones? Other chemicals?
Have I taken the necessary steps to ensure that the water I’m consuming is actually safe for me?
Sugar / Fat volume consumption;
Is this reflective of how much activity I’m doing?
Carbohydrates and Fats are predominately for “energy,” specifically for physical activity output. From a mechanistic point of view that is.
Carbs are also delicious.
But its generally a good idea to eat a quantity of food that’s reflective of the amount of physical activity you’re doing, and if your activity levels are reduced, then you should cut down on these macronutrients accordingly.
It’s worth asking, “Am I eating for the dopamine?” Eating your feelings is a good way to mask your emotions for a time, but then you gotta do something with that energy or it’s likely to lead to long term anxiety.
There is a really cool discussion by Julien from Strongfit on the purpose of carbohydrates and fats vs protein in this youtube video, “StrongFit nutrition talk at Invictus” where he discusses the nervous system and the digestive system’s response to macronutrients. It’s a ride, and led me on one of the most interesting nutritional experiments of my life.
I cannot say this is “How it is” because different health experts contest this. But my personal experience seems to validate his theory that “sugars trigger a sympathetic nervous system response” and “proteins trigger a parasympathetic nervous system response” - and that mixing them isn’t great for your digestive system. I still *will* mix them, but I do notice that I fart more when I eat a lot of bread with my meat. Could just be me though.
This is a super difficult nutritional regime to follow in our society though. Really cool theory though. And I will say that honey water and fudge at the gym is a heck of a way to maintain power output. Eating fudge at the gym rocks. Purest form of pavlov’s conditioning I can think of. “Pump iron, get fudge.”
Over-Consumption / Addiction;
This is a pretty broad category in my mind. I’d lump anything addictive that bleeds energy or self confidence here - including Tobacco, Alcohol, Drugs, Pornography, Sugar, Sex, Social Media, etc…
And that ISN’T to say these things are inherently bad. They aren’t.
Any of those things has a time and place in a persons life and I hold no judgement towards you if you consume these things.
The question exists to ask, “Are you doing those things, or are they doing you?”
This is an opportunity to reflect on whether or not you’re consuming intentionally, or with compulsion and addictive behaviour. I’ve struggled with addictive responses to… honestly every one of those at some point in my life. Weeee!
On the Podcast “ManTalks with Connor Beaton” - he interviews Dr. Glenn Livingstone who speaks about the link between parasympathetic breathing practices and the elimination of food cravings at night.
Digital Consumption;
It doesn’t have to be “an addiction” to still be “a problem.”
Social Media use and compulsive short form content does weird things to a person’s dopamine system, destroying attention span and creating a constant self-comparison reflex to what other people have and/or are doing.
You can only want something if you see someone else having it. If you don’t know it exists, you can’t know that you don’t have it. Right?
So I think that digital consumption and social media use is worth it’s only category of self reflection, as it’s so easy to get swept up with it for any number of reasons. Next thing you know, you’re taking hour long bathroom breaks and can’t remember what you were doing there.
Have I changed my furnace filter in the last six months?
Have I changed my car’s cabin filter at the appropriate time?
See, “How Indoor Air Quality Impacts Your Lungs” by American Lung Association
Am I living near a source of air pollution?
Are there fires nearby?
Should I be wearing an N95 mask?
I’m not going to wade into the pro- or anti- mask debate. I don’t care. Do as you see fit. I support personal choice and bodily autonomy in all matters.
But if there are smoke particulates in the air because of a nearby forest fire, your freedom and choice to not wear a mask is valid, and it’s going to hurt you.
“Green Therapy” - cheapest therapy you can find, if you live near trees. Running away to the forest is, in fact, a legitimate way of dealing with an overwhelming and stressful life and there is a reason people idolize this.
The book “Chatter” by Ethan Kross has some good discussion on this. Likely the simplest and most useful book I’ve read on internal self-talk, rumination, and general mental health.
“Water Therapy” - A principle that I’ve come across in some spiritual traditions is the relationship between water and the emotional body.
Purification by water shows up in many different traditions, and will show up in even simple “home remedy” style advice like “shower if you feel everyone hates you.”
So I put the practise of being near, in or by bodies of water in a similar category as “Green Therapy” for emotional wellbeing.
Environmental Design; is a really interesting area of study. I believe that Atomic habits, Book by James Clear had a really interesting exploration of the concept and how it relates to habit formation and maintenance - and specifically how your “Spaces need to be designed to support the habits you want” as a matter of convenience and ease of activation.
So clean workspaces are easier to start things, because you don’t have to clean up to start, you can just start.
Spaces optimized to support a habit, like a clean desk that has all the necessary tools for you to do drawing readily accessible, will make it easier for you to keep up a regular drawing habit, for example.
A room that is well designed to practise fitness in, with a wide open space, tall ceilings and readily available fitness equipment - make it easier for you to practice fitness in.
A suggestion from my friend Zorananda of the Yoga Connection podcast.
The idea is to ask how you are creating disruptions in your environment. This could be relational, such as creating conflict, messes for other people to clean up, emotional outbursts or any form of material disturbance that creates challenges for other people.
Being a naturally loud person, this one amused me as I’ve had people both compliment me on the volume of my laughter - and also be quite annoyed with me because they were trying to sleep.
Are you creating stress or work for other people, or have you abandoned a mess that no one will learn about (littering in a forest with no witnesses.) Is there something you need to take responsibility for to make life better for those around you?
This entry falls in line with the philosophy of “Leave no trace” for outdoor stewardship.
Your first and last relationship is with yourself. Treat yourself accordingly.
Keeping one’s promises to oneself is sometimes the hardest thing to do, and failing to do so provides one of the most powerful pieces of ammunition you can give to your ‘Adversary’ in it’s quest to undermine you.
Adversary - is a term I use for the entity that lives rent-free in your head telling you that you’re going to fail or you’re unworthy. I realize there is some debate on what “it’s” name is. This is just what I use. Insert your own cultural or spiritually appropriate name here.
Also - Do I have responsibilities that I’ve been ignoring? Sometimes we feel angry and irritable because we’re out of integrity on something to someone else, and the best way to deal with those feelings is to deal with the matter we’re procrastinating on.
Have I been graceful to myself, or harsh and condemning? Self-Talk is important to manage to some degree.
I use chosen family here, because family is more of a choice than we often realise. Not everyone has the privilege of being born into a supportive family, and I try not to take that for granted.
It’s worth self examining how your relationship with your family is to see if there is work you need to do to heal with them - chosen or blood.
Oxytocin is a powerful drug that you get from hugs. They should be longer hugs though. 10 seconds or so. When was the last time you got a 10 second hug?
This is also why I’m a hug fan of Contact Improv and West Coast Swing dancing. Partner dancing of all kinds isn’t as ‘close’ as cuddling or hugging, but it still creates some of that connection, and has the added bonus of being a fun way to exercise.
I believe this is a current area of study in Evolutionary Psychology. The notion of “The Village” or how we, as humans, have evolved, is to exist in communities of 50-150 people who band together for survival.
Obviously, this isn’t necessary in modern society to *survive*, exactly, but that doesn’t mean we have evolved out of the “feeling” that we need this. It may be that this is now only necessary for us to ‘thrive.’
Communities, churches, social groups and other such entities fulfill this evolutionary requirement of ours, at least in part. The ‘need to belong’ is a powerfully motivating force and you should be careful of falling into the “lone wolf” belief system. Humans weren’t made to survive on their own. Neither were wolves.
See “From the Outside Looking In: Sense of Belonging, Depression, and Suicide Risk.”
A lack of the sense of belonging to a larger community is one of the most powerful correlative indicators of depression and hopelessness, which in turn, are significant indicators of a likelihood of suicidal ideation.
The greatest improvement in my overall mental wellbeing coincides with the periods of time that I felt connected to a ‘Tribe.’ A group of people, united by cause, mutually supportive and accepting. Belongingness is a powerful thing.
One of the biggest reasons people leave their jobs is because “they don’t feel like they belong” or they’re “just a cog in a machine.” Organizations that understand and support the feelings of belongingness in their members have better retention and outcomes.
Sometimes the reason we’re depressed is because we have a problem with someone else and we’re not taking action to repair the relationship. We’re, instead, existing in the comfort of ruminative resentment, and blaming them for the state of the relationship.
Pursue a “policy of confirmation” instead of assumption. Check with that person if they understand what you understand, and if what you think they did wrong, or what you did wrong, is a mutually shared reality. It isn’t always.
And sometimes they’re as interested in repair as you are, but are waiting for you to make the first move.
Saying “I Love You”;
It’s helpful, I believe, to have a nuanced understanding of “Love” in this context. English is a pretty crap language for the discussion of love. Greek has better words for it. https://www.dictionary.com/e/greek-words-for-love/
So don’t get caught up in the Romantic sense of the word here. It’s possible to say “I love you” to people, mean it, and not make it weird or sexual.
Also, generally speaking, I think it’s really valuable to understand your “Love Languages.” Understanding these two concepts (the words for, and languages of) have been profoundly helpful for understanding why certain relationships evolve the way that they do, and why those same relationships might fail.
No one lies on their deathbed saying “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”
More often, the regret is that they didn’t put themselves first, and pursue their dreams in life.
I did say this was a checklist for me didn’t I? ;-)
But please, do. Learn how to sword fight and play the guitar.
Finding your flow is always a good practice.
See, “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.
The emotion of Awe and Wonder is associated with the production of neuro-chemicals that can induce a long lasting state of general contentment.
Regularly having “meaningful experiences,” as it’s sometimes called in the mental health world, or “spiritual experiences” as it’s called in the spiritual world, or “a great weekend” as it’s called in the festival goer’s world - creates big dumps of neuro-chemicals (whose names I’ve forgotten in this moment) that aid with a general sense of wellness that lasts for longer periods of time, usually weeks.
The key indicator is the “feeling of awe” signifies that you’ve hit this mental state. So whatever that means to you, and wherever you go to find that, “Seek your Awe”.
See, “Chatter” by Ethan Kross. Seriously this book is fantastic.